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After that incident, he could no longer function as a man anymore. His bills piled up, he sat around at home and his family was falling apart. I love how Tony guides him into finding out the truth behind his angst and helps him free himself from the anger he harboured towards his coach.

The truth is, his coach did what was right for the team. All his pent up anger was due to the story he had about his circumstances. He blamed everyone and everything but himself. The minute he learnt to let go of the blame, he felt free. I hope you will find inspiration from watching this video.

In the literal context, when we mention anger, it means an emotion which we experience when our needs, and expectations are not met, personal beliefs differ from others and also when we are treated unjustly or unrespected.

Rage refers to an action(s) in response to the experience of anger, which usually occurs when people do not handle or manage their anger appropriately, thus allowing the feelings of anger to escalate and eventually erupt like a volcano.

So the next question should be… What can I do to manage anger/rage?

Well, since we know that rage is a cause of anger, we have to tackle the root cause… anger. When I say tackling, it doesn’t mean eliminating all forms of anger. Like I have always preached… Anger, when used effectively can prevent instances of rages from occuring. Anger is a sign that something is wrong and when something is wrong, it should be discussed in an orderly manner so that we can solve the underlying problem.

The next time you feel abit angry, pause and immediately recognize that your feelings or needs have been unmet, and decide that you would like to discuss your feelings with the other party involved before things escalate. That is one good way to prevent rage from occurring.

It doesn’t matter how hard things are… If there’s a will, there is always a way.

Does this sound like you? I’m sure we’ve all been there. Here are 7 tips for controlling your anger towards your kids:

1) Be a good role model

The next time you feel like bursting out at your kid, rememeber that human beings are creatures of habit, especially at the infant stages. If you are incapable of controlling your anger in front of them, don’t expect them to behave all polite in front of you.

2) Share the responsibility

Sometimes when you are in a bad mood, ask you partner to deal with the problem. Give yourself time to cool down and let your partner who is in a more better position to deal with them handle it.

3) Find the root cause of your anger

The truth is, sometimes the kids aren’t the ones driving you crazy. It could be your nagging boss or selfish husband that’s causing you to feel angry all the time. Don’t blame the kids, find the root cause, and solve it.

4) Engage in some peaceful activities

Try some peaceful activities to get your mind of the hustle and bustle of everyday life. Mediation, yoga, hypnotherapy or just soothing music can do wonders for your mind.

5) Reward your children for good behaviour

Instead of using negative reinforcement of behaviour, try rewarding your kids for their good behaviour with something they like – new toys, ice cream etc. Rewarding over scolding is much less stressful.

6) Give your children tasks to handle

This can keep your kids busy while you relax and also give them a sense of responsibility. The more you treat them like an adult, the more they will act like one.

7) Ask for help

Sometimes, it is difficult to manage anger all on our own. Invest in some anger management courses or seek counselling to help overcome your problems.

But first, watch this 4 minute YouTube video, it will be the best 4 minutes of your life:

The next time you feel angry at someone, whether it is yourself, your boss, your lover, your friend or the world for being unjust to you, just try and think how grateful you already are being where you are. There are many people out there much worse than us and we should always be thankful for all that we have and no succumb to anger bouts.

Teenagers want freedom

…. Duh! Everyone knows that. As parents, it is important for you to let them know that you understand their needs for socializing and freedom and at the same time let them know that freedom has its limits as well. Work things out with them… Create a set of agreeable ground rules that you both can adhere to, such as allowing him to go out on weekends as long as he calls back at 11pm sharp or set a curfew at 12am. If he breaks such a promise, he/she will be punished. That being said, after the agreement has been set, you must not call to check on them on annoy them – honour the agreement.

Engage In Activities With Them

Find out what are their interests and also help them out with any projects they might be having trouble with. For example, help them train for a basketball tournament if you are capable of. This will help foster a strong bond between you two and reduce the amount of angry confrontations. Anger is a result of the differences in people’s needs and expectations, and a lack of understanding can cause more arguments to occur. Remember, it’s about them, don’t try and engage them in our boring gardening projects or fishing trips.

Have heart-to-heart talks

This might be the most difficult of all, but the most difficult conversations are usually the most important ones. Whether its to discuss about his personal relationships or just to share stories which he might be able to relate to, all these are very important in establishing trust and rapport with your children. The more he can relate to your experiences, the more he will see you as someone he can connect with and not like someone whose out there to make life miserable for him (controlling allowances, curfews etc).

Photo by Tony The Misfit

1) Be grateful. When stuck in a traffic jam, be grateful that you are in the comfort of your car with air conditioning and radio to listen to and not walking in the rain (before cars were invented).

2) Blast the music. Bring your own music CDs and sing along to your favourite tunes while waiting for the traffic.

3) Leverage on your time. If you know you are going to be stuck in a heavy jam, bring some audio CDs related to your passion. This helps you leverage on your time and it’s as fun as reading a book.

4) Choose empowering thoughts. Next time someone cuts you off in traffic, just assume that they are in an emergency and they need to get to somewhere fast. It’s about choosing empowering thoughts whether it’s true or not.

5) Leave earlier. Make it a point to depart early for appointments so you won’t be caught up in the stress of rushing to wherever you need to be. You can then take your time to get to your destination and not worry about people cutting you off.

But what if..?

We all adopted a selflessness attitude ? I think the world will immediately become a much better place to live in, won’t you agree?

And I believe this holds true if we can practice it in our daily lives. Let go of all forms of selfishness. You will find that the anger will dissipate as well.

When we are angry, it is easily to do things that convey anger through our body language which we don’t normally realize. This could be something like frowning, staring them in the eye, leaning hard towards another person, showing your firsts, pointing or hunching your shoulders towards them.

One of the easy ways to control your anger is to change the way we act whenever we feel anger building up. By simply loosening up your body, you will be able to dissipate any forms of intimidating body language and clear those angry thoughts from your system. Here are some things you can do to alter your body language:

• Relax those face muscles
• Drop your eye brows, shoulders, hands to your side and relax
• Smile instead of frown
• Turn your eye gaze towards their nose instead
• Stand with your feet together

Once you have taken these steps to reduce the tension in the situation, you can take other measures such as cognitive therapy or assertiveness to help you find empowering thoughts.